Formal address with Lei

Buongiorno, signora Bianchi. Come sta? Lei parla molto bene l'inglese.Good morning, Mrs Bianchi. How are you? You speak English very well.

When you address one person politely in Italian, you say Lei and use the same verb form you would use for lei (she): the third person singular. So Lei parla can mean "she speaks" or, to someone you address formally, "you speak."

Quick shortcut: tu parli (informal) becomes Lei parla (formal). The verb ending is the one you'd use for lui / lei: Lei è, Lei ha, Lei parla, Lei abita.

tu or Lei?

Italian has two ways to say "you" to one person:

Lei is a polite "you," not a literal "she," even though it looks the same as lei. In formal writing it is often capitalised (Lei) to tell the two apart, though lowercase is also standard. In speech, the context makes it clear.

When to use which

There is no single rule, and habits differ by region, age and situation, but this is a useful starting point:

• Lei with people you don't know, people clearly older than you, in shops, hotels and offices, at work with clients or senior colleagues, and with officials, teachers and doctors.
• tu with family, friends, children, and often with people of a similar age in relaxed settings (a student party, a gym, many workplaces).

When you're unsure, Lei is the safer start. If the other person would like to switch, they'll often say Possiamo darci del tu? (Can we use tu with each other?) or Diamoci del tu! (Let's use tu!). It is also common for the older or more senior person to offer tu first.

Verb forms with Lei

Take the lei form. A few of the most useful verbs:

The pronoun is still usually dropped: Come sta? and Dove abita? are the normal forms, with Lei added mostly for emphasis, contrast or clarity (see Subject pronouns). The verbs essere and avere have their own lessons: The verb "essere" and The verb "avere".

Adjectives agree with the real person

Although Lei is grammatically a feminine pronoun, adjectives and participles usually agree with the actual gender of the person you're talking to:

• To a man: Lei è molto gentile. / Lei è stanco? (Are you tired?)
• To a woman: Lei è molto gentile. / Lei è stanca? (Are you tired?)

So Lei è stanco? goes to a man and Lei è stanca? to a woman. (Gentile ends in -e, so it stays the same for both.)

Titles and polite phrases

Formal address often comes with a title and a surname:

• Buongiorno, signor Rossi. / Buonasera, signora Bianchi. (Good morning, Mr Rossi. / Good evening, Mrs Bianchi.)
• Mi scusi, dottor Verdi... (Excuse me, Dr Verdi...)
• Prego, signora. (Please, go ahead / you're welcome.)

Scusi ("Excuse me") and Mi scusi are formal; the informal versions are scusa and scusami. You can learn these as ready-made phrases for now.

A group: use voi

For more than one person, Italian uses voi, formal or not: Voi parlate inglese? There is also a very formal plural Loro, with third-person plural verbs, but you'll hear it mostly in a restaurant or hotel (Loro desiderano?) or in ceremonial speech, and you don't need it at this level.

Common mistakes

• ❌ Lei parli inglese? → ✅ Lei parla inglese? (in a plain present-tense question or statement, Lei takes the third person singular, parla, not the tu form, parli)
• ❌ Lei sei di Roma? → ✅ Lei è di Roma? (sei is the tu form of essere; Lei takes è)
• ❌ Come stai, signora Bianchi? → ✅ Come sta, signora Bianchi? (a title and a polite tone go with sta, not stai)
• ❌ Signora Bianchi, Lei è stanco? → ✅ Signora Bianchi, Lei è stanca? (the adjective agrees with the woman you're addressing)
• Using tu with someone you've just met in a formal setting: often fine among young people, but Lei is the safer start with an older person, a client or an official.

Quick check

Choose the right form for each polite question.

1. To a stranger: "Dove ____ ?" (abiti / abita)
2. To a female client: "Lei ____ stanca?" (sei / è)
3. To a male doctor: "Dottore, come ____ ?" (stai / sta)
4. To two colleagues: "____ parlate inglese?" (Lei / Voi)
5. To a woman you've just met at a business meeting: "Signora Bianchi, Lei ____ un momento?" (hai / ha)

Key takeaways

• To address one person politely, use Lei with the third person singular verb: Lei parla, Lei è, Lei ha, Come sta?
• tu is for family, friends, children and often peers in relaxed settings; Lei is the safer start with strangers, older people, clients and officials. Habits vary by region, age and situation.
• The pronoun is usually dropped (Come sta?); Lei appears mainly for emphasis, contrast or clarity.
• Adjectives agree with the real gender of the person you address (Lei è stanco / stanca).
• For a group, use voi; the very formal Loro is rare and you don't need it yet.